I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
