By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
