There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
