I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm so fucking centered right now
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
