So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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