batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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