OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
