i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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