we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
