five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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