WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
