I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
