So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
