I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
