if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
