oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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