Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
