Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
