What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
