At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My ass is underappreciated
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
