I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
