If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
