I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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