I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
