i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize