considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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