I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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