I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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