we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
