Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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