I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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