Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
