You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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