For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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