I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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