this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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