8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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