She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
