I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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