took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
