saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
