Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
