yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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