i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
