Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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