Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
one two three fourrrrnication!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
