Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
