I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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