Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
