thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
