ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
