you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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