it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
