Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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