he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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