A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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