What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This is the high leading the old right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
