This is not my ceiling
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
