The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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