Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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