I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
