i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize