So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
