I faked an abortion last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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