Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
