You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
