So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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