Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
