I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
