Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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