Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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