Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
