my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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